Bitch Is the New Black

The other day as I was getting ready for work, I had grey cotton tights and a grey shirt on, and a khaki skirt.  Bo-ring.  And I decided, you know what this outfit needs?

Bitch boots.

A couple years back VU took some friends to see the shops of Santa Monica.  In a shoe store targeting people more sartorially adventurous than we, I tried on a pair of boots that were on sale. 

The heels were high, the fit was skin tight...they were gold.  Not only did they make me understand what it might be like to be six feet tall (awesome), they made my legs look a mile long and forced my slouchy gait into a hip-thrusting saunter.

I kept posing and admiring them in front of the mirror.  They were completely impractical, and called attention to themselves in a way that just wasn't me.  "I look like... I look like..."

Commented Boots: "You look like a total bitch."

I bought them.  I wore them exactly once, a few weeks later, to a law school class reunion.  Those of you with experience with New York probably know how much walking that entailed - KK stopped with me to buy little forefoot padded inserts, but there was also the problem that they are so high that my calves seize up with extended wear.  And that they are 100% synthetic, so you start to sweat in there.  My dogs were howling at the end of the night.  It is entirely possible that the boots themselves turned me into a bitch.

I've kept the BB around for the two years since then, but every time I've contemplated wearing them (not that often - when are knee high gold boots ever appropriate?), I think of the sweat and the muscular stress and the painful feet and opt for something far more reasonable. 

A couple of weeks ago, I put them in the box for Goodwill, and it felt like the passing of an era.

I suppose we all have an article of clothing like that.  Something that represents us at our most fabulous, our most outrageous, our most confident and bitchy.  Something that recalls the million other outfits for which we (in our youths) sacrificed comfort to look hot.  Just recently, Embee sent an e-mail to mark the passing of her own incarnation of Liquid Gold (too soon, too soon).

So I pulled the BB out of the box, zipped them up, and evaluated.  Well, they weren't that uncomfortable (standing on the carpet)...I was just going to be sitting at my desk all day...no one would have to see them...  And somehow I would be able to put off that day of surrender to age and practicality just a little longer.

Only, I forgot that we were having an industry networking event for women in intellectual property law that afternoon.  Most of our firms and companies generally have "business casual" policies, but still - it would have been a good time to look like a professional.

Rather than like a Professional.

Nevertheless, I pretended like I wasn't wearing anything particularly unusual, and after the seminar, I was standing around among the buffet and the chitchat, only to have a woman slide in next to me and say - "I must come stand over here next to the boots!!  I'm guaranteed to like anybody wearing those boots!"  My self consciousness evaporated, and I felt like I belonged...among all the other fabulous bitches.

I got several other boots-related compliments at the event, and at the end of the evening I officially welcomed the prodigal boots back into my closet. 

I have a friend who dresses generally conservatively, and mostly in black.  But the other week, when she was my date for the opera thing, I was startled by her nail polish red, patent leather spike-heeled pumps.  They were outrageous!  They were nothing less than awesome.  She confessed that she wears them on job interviews and is certain they convey the fact that she knows exactly what she wants and is fearless about pursuing it.  I have to agree.   

So I've come around; Mission: Organization be damned, I think it's valid to hang onto an article of clothing that may get only infrequent use, but which speaks volumes about, not practicality, but possibility.  But I think it's even better if you can find one item that takes you out of your comfort zone and projects what you would like to say about yourself, and then wear it - often. 

Comments

[Fraulein N]

Wow. I want a pair of Bitch boots!

[Wickedly Scarlett]

I spent the whole time reading this post, just PRAYING that you had included a picture. And you did! Yeah, those boots are pretty fabulous!

[Vaguely Urban]

Double dog dare you to pair them with the Butterfly.

[Vaguely Urban]

Also, those shops were on Melrose. Santa Monica would shit itself if those boots showed up at brunch.

[kelli]

Oh my gosh. Those are wonder woman boots if I ever saw a pair. Good for you!

[Ralph Wiggum]

Now THAT is cooking!

Fraulein - you DO, you DO. Although those candy apple pumps you're sporting aren't too shabby.

VU - I cannot find the Butterfly! Is it possible I dispensed with her in a fit of practicality?? My bad about mislocating the store. In my mind, L.A. blurs together into a big puddle of fabulousness.

Kelli - I am so glad you called them Wonder Women boots - now I can keep them with my Halloween stuff. Mission: Organization - Cluttered Closet lets you hang onto seldom-used items if you keep them in "long term storage," i.e. the garage. That is, until you watch the Mission: Organization - Cluttered Garage episode, at which point they will get relocated to the closet.

Anyway. I totally know what I'm going to be this year! A superhero party sounds pretty rad.

Chief Wiggum - TX. I notice you bicycle a lot, which I will need to start doing again shortly lest said boots get re-binned for too-tightedness. :o(

[2011 Supra Shoes Outlte]

I’m a child of consumerism and surface and these things are very persuasive on my easy-to-sway brain. I tried them on, walked about in them in the dreadful weather we’re having and so far nothing obviously shaming about them has come forth. With a pair of cheap shoes like that, I see no point in wearing them discreetly and but I’d rather go all out with the outfit and highlight the design which for a pair of $25 shoes has a lot going on. Peach, pink, white and navy patent perforated patent (faux!), lace-ups and a two tone heel....